Flirting Styles Reveal Attraction: What a Short Conversation Can Show

If you want to know whether someone is flirting with you, pay attention to both what they say and how they act. People communicate attraction in different ways, and new research suggests that a brief get-to-know-you conversation reveals the approach each person naturally uses to flirt.

Researchers have long linked many verbal and nonverbal behaviors with attraction. This study, led by Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, is the first to demonstrate that distinct patterns of those behaviors correspond to recognizable flirting styles. “How you flirt says a lot about what flirting means to you,” Hall explains.

Study design and method

Hall, author of The Five Flirting Styles: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want (Harlequin, 2013), and co-author Chong Xing examined how people’s self-identified flirting styles matched the verbal and nonverbal cues they displayed during short conversations. The peer-reviewed findings were published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior.

The research observed 51 pairs of opposite-sex strangers. Each participant completed a questionnaire identifying their preferred flirting style, similar to Hall’s widely used Flirting Styles Inventory. Strangers then engaged in a 10–12 minute conversation while being videotaped. The setting was informal—comfortable chairs and a nearby coffee table—and participants used prompt cards with open-ended questions, for example, “What accomplishment are you most proud of?” to start the interaction.

After the interaction, participants rated their attraction to the conversation partner. The research team then coded the recorded interactions, tracking 36 distinct verbal flirting behaviors (compliments, questions, self-disclosure, teasing, and so on) and nonverbal signals (leg crossing, palm exposure, leaning forward, object play, nodding, and similar cues).

Key findings: five flirting styles

Hall classifies flirting into five styles: physical, traditional, sincere, polite, and playful. The study found that as attraction increased, participants expressed it in ways consistent with their self-identified style. In other words, how people show interest tends to reflect their underlying flirting approach.

People with the sincere style—those who communicate attraction through self-disclosure and focused attention—displayed clear markers of engagement. Sincere flirts were more attentive, less fidgety, smiled and laughed more, and often showed what researchers describe as a “coy gaze,” a subtle marker of interest.

Traditional flirts, who hold more conventional beliefs about dating roles (for example, that men should lead and women should be more passive), also showed predictable patterns. Males with a traditional style tended to lean forward and adopt open postures that signaled interest. Females who identified with the traditional style showed more demure behaviors, such as exposing their palms or wrists and using gentle teasing to engage.

Polite flirts proved among the hardest to read. This style is characterized by a respectful, hands-off approach. Polite flirts often created more physical distance, leaned back, and used an even verbal tone—behaviors that usually signal lack of closeness. The study found polite flirts did these things even more when they were attracted, making their interest subtle and easily missed.

The physical flirting style behaved differently than expected in this one-on-one conversational setting. Physical flirts—those who typically convey sexual interest through touch and body language—actually offered fewer verbal compliments when attracted in the experiment. Many physical flirts are comfortable in social, crowded settings like parties or cafés; speaking alone in a quiet room appeared to be a less familiar context, reducing the typical physical cues they would use.

What this means for reading attraction

Across styles, the research makes two consistent points: first, flirting is usually subtle; second, people express attraction in a wide variety of ways. Because signals differ so much from person to person, many of us are poor at detecting when someone is interested. We tend to be good at recognizing disinterest, but we often miss the nuanced, style-specific signs of attraction.

Hall’s study highlights that paying attention to both verbal content and nonverbal behavior—and recognizing that different people have different flirting signatures—improves our ability to interpret romantic interest. Small gestures, tone shifts, posture changes, or a tendency toward self-disclosure can all be meaningful, depending on the person’s preferred style.

Contact: Brendan M Lynch – University of Kansas
Source: University of Kansas press release
Image Source: The image is credited to Antranias and is in the public domain
Original Research: Abstract for “The Verbal and Nonverbal Correlates of the Five Flirting Styles” by Jeffrey A. Hall and Chong Xing in Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. Published online January 3, 2015. doi:10.1007/s10919-014-0199-8