Standing at the front of the church delivering my father’s eulogy, I felt both exposed and empowered.
The experience was larger than myself. The vulnerability I felt was not a defense mechanism but an expression of authenticity.
Why do many of us only reveal our vulnerable side during life’s most extreme moments?
Vulnerability strengthens relationships and allows us to feel emotions more deeply (Brown, 2015).
In this article we explain why vulnerability is not weakness but a sign of inner strength and confidence. We also present tools, exercises, and techniques useful in therapy and everyday life.
This Article Contains:
- The Importance of Vulnerability
- 4 Psychology Theories & Research Findings
- 3 Real-Life Examples of Vulnerability
- 3 Ways to Help Clients Open Up in Therapy
- Practical Exercises
- How to Be Vulnerable in Relationships: Activities for Couples & Friends
- Recommended Reading and Notable Quotes
- Helpful Resources
- Key Takeaways
- References
The Importance of Vulnerability
Most people resist feeling vulnerable, whether in daily life or in therapy.
Instead of honoring those brave enough to be open, we often judge them. Yet vulnerability lies at the heart of emotion; treating it as weakness would be to dismiss the value of feeling itself (Brown, 2015).
Vulnerability is not the same as weakness.
Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability, argues that vulnerability is “the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” It cultivates hope, connection, empathy, and meaning.
When people were asked to complete the sentence “Vulnerability is ______,” typical responses included:
- Sharing an unpopular opinion
- Asking for help
- Initiating intimacy
- Going on a first date after divorce
- Falling in love
- Losing a job
- Waiting for medical results
These examples show that vulnerability is a normal and essential part of life.
Still, many of us struggle to reveal our vulnerabilities. Common patterns include:
- Wanting to witness others’ vulnerability without showing our own
- Seeing vulnerability in others as courageous but in ourselves as a flaw
- Being drawn to others’ openness while avoiding our own
Resistance to vulnerability
Some people say, “I don’t do vulnerability—it’s not who I am.” But vulnerability is not a choice we always make; it often happens to us, and the real decision is how we respond (Brown, 2015).
Vulnerability versus oversharing
Vulnerability is not the same as broadcasting every intimate detail. It depends on clear boundaries and earned trust. Without boundaries, oversharing can block connection and even breed mistrust.
Why connection matters
We are often told to “go it alone,” but isolation fuels loneliness and disconnection. Healthy relationships involve people who accept us when we fail and support us when we fear. Asking for help is both natural and necessary and is central to what Brown calls “wholehearted living.”
Shame and vulnerability
Brown describes shame as the painful feeling of believing we are flawed and unworthy of belonging. Research shows emotional pain can register similarly to physical pain (Kross et al., 2011).
Embracing vulnerability helps counter shame. Keeping a creative project private, for example, limits its value; sharing it risks criticism but also opens the door to connection and growth. Brown notes that shame keeps us small and resentful, while daring greatly displaces shame with vulnerability.
Vulnerability and mental health
The way we talk to ourselves shapes emotional experience. Shame-driven self-talk—“I’m bad” or “I’m worthless”—is linked to harmful behaviors and poor mental health outcomes, including aggression, addiction, depression, and disordered eating (Brown, 2006; Dearing et al., 2005; Ferguson et al., 2000).
Opening to vulnerability creates space for positive emotions—love, hope, joy, gratitude—and supports therapeutic progress (Larsen et al., 2017; Leroux et al., 2007).
4 Psychology Theories & Research Findings
Vulnerability is a growing focus in psychology and a priority for wellbeing.
- A 2017 study in nursing education confirmed that peer assessment aids teacher development, but inviting peer review requires vulnerability and trust, leading to stronger learning and accountability (Tanner et al., 2017).
- Research in caring sciences found that nurses’ own experiences of vulnerability and suffering enhanced their ability to support patients, helping patients face their own vulnerability (Thorup et al., 2011).
- Leadership research highlights that organizational leaders who show vulnerability foster deeper connections and progress toward shared goals (Lopez, 2018).
- Studies on persuasion show those convinced they are invulnerable are often more susceptible to influence—illusory invulnerability can undermine genuine protection (Sagarin et al., 2002).
Download 3 Free Emotional Intelligence Exercises (PDF)
Three research-based exercises to help you or your clients understand and use emotions more effectively.
3 Real-Life Examples of Vulnerability
To clarify what vulnerability looks like, here are three real-world examples.
Greta Thunberg
At the U.N. Climate Action Summit, a teenage Greta Thunberg confronted world leaders with raw emotion: “You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words.” Her youth made her stance more vulnerable and therefore more powerful. Her courage and openness forced global leaders to listen.
Childbirth
Every day, women give birth in diverse circumstances, often facing risk and pain. The vulnerability and determination shown by birthing people, and the helpless awe of partners or companions, reveal the extraordinary courage inherent in caring for new life (Lyberg & Severinsson, 2010).
Tank Man
The anonymous protestor who stood before a column of tanks at Tiananmen Square became an enduring symbol of vulnerability and resistance. His act—open, solitary, and profoundly risky—showed how vulnerability can embody moral courage and inspire hope.
3 Ways to Help Clients Open Up in Therapy
In emotionally focused therapy, encouraging clients to share feelings, memories, and deep thoughts is essential for meaningful change (Leroux et al., 2007).
These practical approaches can help clients become more vulnerable in a safe therapeutic space.
Capturing thoughts
Clients benefit from writing down troubling or intrusive thoughts. Reviewing these records with a therapist helps distinguish rational from irrational beliefs and opens discussion about underlying emotions.
Anxiety record
Asking clients to track anxieties, triggers, and outcomes can feel exposing. Yet this process clarifies patterns and supports development of coping skills.
Understanding emotions
Helping clients identify, name, and explore emotions reduces shame and increases their capacity to express vulnerability. Tools that guide reflection on emotions can be particularly effective.
Positive Psychology Toolkit
A comprehensive practitioner resource with hundreds of evidence-based exercises, activities, and assessments to support emotional growth and resilience.
Practical Exercises
Try these guided worksheets to practice daring greatly.
Vulnerability worksheet
Brené Brown encourages us to embrace vulnerability to counter shame. A dedicated worksheet can guide reflection on three moments when you felt exposed and uncomfortable, and help you plan more open responses in the future.
Changing physical habits
Acknowledging our physical vulnerability—how easily our bodies can be harmed or neglected—can motivate healthier choices. Worksheets that map small habit changes make vulnerability actionable.
Mind the gap
Many family problems stem from disengagement. The “Mind the Gap” exercise contrasts aspirations with actions, helping align values and improve connection.
How to Be Vulnerable in Relationships: Two Activities
If vulnerability has become blocked in a relationship, these two activities can help reopen connection.
Frustration ladder
All relationships carry frustrations. The Frustration Ladder helps partners list and prioritize grievances from least to most important, making conversation more manageable and productive.
Marble jar metaphor
Brown uses a marble jar as a metaphor for trust: acts of kindness add marbles, betrayals remove them. Visualizing the jar can clarify how small daily actions build or deplete relational safety and encourage mutual vulnerability.
On Brené Brown’s TED Talk
Preparing for her TED Talk, Brown decided to be herself—open and vulnerable. She asked for the lights to be raised so she could see the audience, creating direct human connection. Her message: people connect to honest, imperfect stories. Vulnerability is the source of both risk and profound reward.
Recommended Reading and Notable Quotes
Some memorable quotes from Brené Brown:
“Vulnerability is not weakness. I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives.”
“To create is to make something that has never existed before. There’s nothing more vulnerable than that.”
“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
“Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us most vulnerable.”
Selected books
Daring Greatly — Brené Brown
Brown outlines her research on shame and vulnerability and explains how facing emotional risk supports wholehearted living.
The Gifts of Imperfection — Brené Brown
This book presents signposts for wholehearted living and argues that choosing authenticity is an act of resistance.
Daring to Love — Tamsen Firestone & Robert W. Firestone
This book explores how fear of intimacy blocks love and offers steps to reduce defensive patterns and create enduring connection.
Helpful Resources
- Keeping a gratitude journal can deepen appreciation and strengthen relationships.
- Regular reflection—what you have received, given, and the trouble you have caused—supports humility and openness.
- Active constructive responding helps communicate authenticity and fosters vulnerability.
- Setting internal boundaries clarifies acceptable behavior and protects emotional safety while allowing openness.
- Tools for developing emotional intelligence support difficult conversations and sustained vulnerability.
- Active listening exercises ensure voices are heard and validate emotional expression.
Key Takeaways
We should not withhold vulnerability. To dare greatly is to feel fully and to engage with life’s complexity (Brown, 2015).
In therapy, vulnerability enables clients to reveal core beliefs and feelings, creating the possibility of healing and growth. In everyday life, vulnerability removes barriers, fosters authentic relationships, and allows us to experience love, joy, sorrow, and awe more deeply.
Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness; it is a form of strength that creates space for connection and meaning. Practice the exercises alone or with clients, and embrace living without shame.
We hope this article inspired you to explore vulnerability with courage and curiosity.
- Brown, B. (2006). Shame resilience theory: A grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society, 87(1), 43–52.
- Brown, B. (2015). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Avery.
- Dearing, R., Stuewig, J., & Tangney, J. (2005). On the importance of distinguishing shame from guilt: Relations to problematic alcohol and drug use. Addictive Behaviors, 30(7), 1392–1404.
- Ferguson, T. J., Eyre, H. L., & Ashbaker, M. (2000). Unwanted identities: A key variable in shame–anger links. Sex Roles, 42(3–4), 133–157.
- Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275.
- Larsen, R., Buss, D., Wismeijer, A., & Song, J. (2017). Personality Psychology: Domains of Knowledge about Human Nature. McGraw-Hill Education.
- Leroux, P., Sperlinger, D., & Worrell, M. (2007). Experiencing vulnerability in psychotherapy. Existential Analysis, 18(2), 315–328.
- Lopez, S. O. (2018). Vulnerability in leadership: The power of the courage to descend (Doctoral dissertation).
- Luquet, W. (2015). Short-term couples therapy: The Imago model in action. Routledge.
- Lyberg, A., & Severinsson, E. (2010). Midwives’ supervisory styles and leadership role as experienced by Norwegian mothers. Journal of Nursing Management, 18(4), 391–399.
- NPR (2019). Transcript: Greta Thunberg’s speech at the U.N. Climate Action Summit.
- Sagarin, B. J., Cialdini, R. B., Rice, W. E., & Serna, S. B. (2002). Dispelling the illusion of invulnerability: Motivations and mechanisms of resistance to persuasion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(3), 526–541.
- Tank Man. (2020). Historical accounts of the Tiananmen Square protests.
- Tanner, J., Rosenau, P. A., Clancy, T. L., & Rutherford, G. E. (2017). The courage to be vulnerable: Peer and self-assessment of teaching in nursing education. Nursing: Research and Reviews, 7, 17–28.
- Tangney, J. P., & Dearing, R. L. (2004). Shame and Guilt. Guilford Press.
- Thorup, C. B., Rundqvist, E., Roberts, C., & Delmar, C. (2011). Care as a matter of courage: Vulnerability, suffering and ethical formation in nursing care. Scandinavian Journal of Caring Sciences, 26(3), 427–435.