Summary: Replaying arguments in your head can be therapeutic and may help prevent anxiety and depression, researchers report.
Source: University of Exeter.
Rather than burying family quarrels, carefully replaying upsetting events in your mind—recalling details of what was said, how it sounded, and the sequence of actions—can be therapeutic. Researchers suggest that this concrete review can help keep incidents in perspective and reduce the risk of escalating anxiety or depression.
Psychologists at the University of Exeter report that mentally replaying the specifics of shouting matches and disagreements does not necessarily prolong tension. Instead, focusing on the concrete details of an upsetting event—who said what, the tone of voice, where it took place and how the interaction unfolded—can help people interpret the incident more accurately and avoid spiraling into self-doubt or prolonged low mood.
The guidance is especially relevant during times of year when stress and family tensions increase. By learning to review uncomfortable interactions in precise terms, people may prevent relatively minor quarrels or slights—such as being overlooked for a family event—from turning into lasting rifts with damaging psychological consequences.
Exeter researchers conducted a series of experiments showing that a concrete mode of thinking about moderately upsetting events is often more adaptive than abstract rumination. Concrete processing involves reviewing the context, the sensory details and the chronological sequence of events, and considering practical ways the situation could have been resolved. In contrast, abstract rumination—dwelling on why the event happened or what it implies about yourself or others—tends to broaden negative meaning and can lead to overgeneralization and depressive thoughts.
Previous studies have repeatedly linked excessive rumination with worsening depression. However, the Exeter team found that when people practiced running emotional incidents through their minds in vivid detail—focusing on what they saw, heard, felt and the exact sequence of events—they responded more constructively and were less likely to become overwhelmed by future or past stressors.
Professor Ed Watkins of the Mood Disorder Clinic at the University of Exeter, an expert on rumination and mental health, observed notable improvements among participants who learned to rehearse upsetting events in concrete detail. He emphasizes that this technique can build resilience and reduce vulnerability to depressive thinking.
Professor Watkins commented: “The festive season and winter months can be difficult for many people’s mood. Colder, darker weather, financial pressures, the reopening of old grievances, and comparisons with idealized images of the holidays all contribute. We often see an increase in referrals for depression after the holidays. Staying with the facts—what actually happened, where and how—helps keep upsetting events in context and can prevent them from becoming something worse.”
After training to recall details such as the tone of voice, exact words exchanged, and the flow of events, people in the studies became more resilient. This concrete rehearsal helped them place upsetting incidents in context and avoid downward spirals into low mood.
The same approach—focusing on sensory detail and asking practical, concrete questions like “How did this happen?” and “What can I do about it?”—also sped recovery in undergraduate students who performed poorly on tests. It improved interpersonal problem solving for people who were currently or previously depressed, helping them find constructive ways to repair relationships after conflicts.
For those experiencing depression, training to re-imagine stressful episodes in full sensory detail and to ask “What is unique about this situation?” and “How did it happen?” rather than “Why did this happen to me?” produced measurable benefits. The shift from abstract to concrete processing reduced the tendency to overgeneralize and helped alleviate symptoms.
In a clinical trial involving patients with diagnosed depression, daily training in noticing early warning signs of stress and then reviewing stressful situations concretely—paying attention to what could be seen, heard, felt and smelled, and to the sequence of events—over six weeks led to significant reductions in depressive symptoms. This structured training outperformed usual care provided by general practitioners alone.
Professor Watkins notes that these findings have broad applications. Teaching people to adopt a more concrete mode of thinking can reduce anxiety and depressive reactions across many contexts, including exam stress among students and family or relationship conflicts.
He added: “Rumination about upsets and losses is a key factor in developing and maintaining anxiety and depression. Difficult life events—job loss, relationship breakdown, illness, or being stuck in a stressful situation—can trigger clinical depression. Once depressed, everyday hassles are more likely to provoke rumination and become magnified, further fueling the condition. Learning to think concretely about the specifics of events can help reduce the negative impact of daily stress and support recovery.”
Laboratory studies support this: participants trained to focus on sensory details, context and the sequence of emotional events were more emotionally resilient to unexpected stressors than those who focused on meaning and implications. When people with depression were encouraged to consider how an upsetting event unfolded, their problem-solving improved and, with repeated practice, recovery from depression was accelerated.
Source: University of Exeter
Image source: Public domain image
Original research: Details available from the University of Exeter research publications.
University of Exeter. “Family Arguments Over the Holidays? Replaying Them in Detail May Be the Best Way to Cope.” NeuroscienceNews. December 27, 2016.