Summary: New research examines the psychological trade-off between being ignored and being the subject of gossip, showing that neither option is pleasant but for different reasons. Across five experiments with more than 1,000 participants, the study found that most people reject negative gossip, and many also feel uneasy about being praised behind their backs.
Notably, about 15% of participants—more often men or people higher in narcissism—preferred even negative gossip to being ignored. The findings emphasize that gossip, while often condemned, can serve social purposes such as reinforcing group norms and accountability when it is truthful and well-intentioned.
Key Facts:
- Gossip vs. Silence: Most people favor positive gossip over being ignored, yet nearly a third feel uncomfortable with positive gossip as well.
- Narcissism & Gender: Men and individuals higher in narcissism are more likely to prefer any attention, even negative, rather than being overlooked.
- Social Function: Gossip can promote fairness and enforce group norms when used responsibly and honestly.
Source: University of Mississippi
Would you rather be talked about or ignored? Researchers at the University of Mississippi set out to answer this social question.
Extensive research on ostracism shows that even brief or subtle exclusion—such as being ignored by a stranger—can undermine core psychological needs, explained Andrew Hales, an assistant professor of psychology at Ole Miss. Being overlooked can make people feel like outsiders, lowering self-esteem and producing a sense of momentary meaninglessness.
Gossip complicates the picture. “Gossip has a poor reputation because few people like being discussed behind their backs,” Hales said. “Yet being ignored is painful as well. If your only options are being gossiped about or being treated as so insignificant that no one even mentions you, both options feel negative—just in different ways.”
To investigate, Hales collaborated with Meltem Yucel, a postdoctoral researcher in Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University, and Selma Rudert, a social psychology professor at the University of Kaiserlautern-Landau in Germany. Yucel’s long-standing interest in gossip traces back to childhood experiences in Turkey and later academic work on how gossip shapes friendships and social dynamics.
The researchers asked volunteers to imagine being at a party where people who leave become the topic of conversation. When leaving, participants answered whether they would prefer to be talked about or not. The team ran five experiments with over 1,000 participants, varying scenarios to probe preferences and perceptions.
Their results, published in the journal Self and Identity, revealed clear patterns: people generally prefer to be the subject of positive gossip rather than negative gossip or silence. Still, preferences were not universal. Roughly one-third of participants reported that they did not want to be the focus of positive gossip.
The reluctance toward positive gossip may stem from worries about insincerity, loss of control, the possibility that praise could quickly turn into criticism, or cultural and moral reservations about gossiping. The study also found notable predictors for preferring attention over silence. Men and individuals scoring higher on measures of narcissism were more likely to welcome attention—even negative attention—rather than being ignored. Hales noted that narcissistic individuals often feel entitled and special and may therefore value any attention; more broadly, they may simply prefer negative attention to the experience of being overlooked.
Quantitatively, about 85% of people opposed being the target of negative gossip, while approximately 64% welcomed positive gossip. Still, nearly one in three participants felt uncomfortable with positive gossip, underscoring that attention is not universally desired or beneficial.
Yucel emphasized that gossip is not inherently harmful. When conducted with honest motives and without deception, gossip can help communities regulate behavior, maintain fairness, and enforce social norms. “Gossip is ubiquitous,” Hales added. “As social beings we pay attention to others and discuss them when they are absent. The key is to be compassionate, deliberate, and responsible about what we choose to share.”
Funding: This work was supported by the National Institutes of Health, grant no. F32HD108861.
About this social neuroscience research news
Author: Clara Turnage
Source: University of Mississippi
Contact: Clara Turnage – University of Mississippi
Image: The image is credited to Neuroscience News
Original Research: Open access. “Openness to being gossiped about: understanding gossip from the target’s perspective” by Andrew Hales et al., published in Self and Identity.
Abstract
Openness to being gossiped about: understanding gossip from the target’s perspective
It is commonly assumed that people would prefer not to be discussed by others. This research examines reactions to gossip from the perspective of those who might be its targets. Using two nationally representative samples, the authors found a general aversion to being talked about unless the gossip is positive.
Yet some people do prefer to be the topic of conversation. A meta-analytic summary showed that being male and having higher levels of narcissism predicted a stronger desire to be the focus of gossip, even when that gossip was negative. Older adults showed less desire to be the subject of positive gossip. The researchers also tested whether people accurately perceive others’ preferences and found that people tend to overestimate how much others want positive gossip to be directed at them.