Summary: Men and women tend to judge physical and emotional infidelity differently. Women usually view emotional affairs as more serious, while men more often see physical sexual infidelity as the greater threat. New research shows that when a partner perceives infidelity as threatening to the relationship, forgiveness becomes much harder—regardless of gender.
Source: NTNU
Infidelity is one of the leading causes of breakup among heterosexual couples worldwide. Cross-cultural investigations covering many societies have shown that unfaithfulness frequently leads to relationship dissolution.
Although both sexes experience the damage infidelity causes, they often evaluate different kinds of cheating in distinct ways.
Generally, men tend to view physical infidelity—that is, sexual contact with someone outside the relationship—as the more serious violation.
Women, on the other hand, are more likely to consider emotional infidelity—forming a close, intimate bond with someone else—even without sex—to be the more damaging breach of trust.
Despite these differing perceptions of what constitutes the most serious type of betrayal, men and women in the study were roughly equally likely to say they would forgive a partner. The researchers found that the overall willingness to forgive did not depend primarily on whether the infidelity was sexual or emotional.
“We were surprised that the differences between the sexes weren’t greater,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair of the Department of Psychology at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU). “The psychological processes that lead to forgiveness appear to operate in much the same way for men and women.”
This observation comes from a study recently published in the Journal of Relationships Research. The NTNU research team examined how perceived threat, blame, and forgiveness interact to influence the likelihood that a couple will break up after infidelity.
The study recruited 92 couples who each completed questionnaires about hypothetical scenarios describing two kinds of infidelity. One scenario involved a partner who had sex with someone else but did not fall in love; the other depicted a partner who developed romantic feelings for someone else but did not engage in sexual activity.
When participants considered these scenarios, most—regardless of gender or infidelity type—reported that they would be unlikely to forgive their partner. The most important predictor of whether a relationship might end, the researchers found, was how threatening each individual perceived the infidelity to be.
“Whether or not a couple separates depends primarily on how much of a threat the unfaithful act represents to the relationship,” explains Trond Viggo Grøntvedt, the study’s first author and a postdoctoral fellow in NTNU’s Department of Psychology. “The more threatening the behavior feels, the greater the risk to the relationship.”
Forgiveness itself was a key mediator in the pathway from perceived threat to breakup likelihood. In other words, when people saw the infidelity as less threatening and were more willing to forgive, the chance of a breakup declined. Conversely, high perceived threat reduced forgiveness and increased breakup likelihood.
Individual differences still matter. Personality, past experiences, relational history, and the specific circumstances of the infidelity shape how any one person responds. “There are large individual variations even within each gender,” notes Mons Bendixen, also a professor in NTNU’s Department of Psychology.
The study also highlights an important distinction between emotional and sexual infidelity in how blame is assigned and how that affects forgiveness. In cases of emotional involvement without sex, the degree to which the unfaithful partner is held responsible influences forgiveness and the chances of breakup.
“The degree of blame attributed to the partner was linked to the willingness to forgive,” says Bendixen.
When a partner is perceived to bear significant responsibility for forming an intimate emotional bond with someone else, the relationship faces greater risk. By contrast, in situations of physical sexual infidelity, blame played a much smaller role in predicting forgiveness. If a partner freely had sex with someone outside the relationship, whether they accepted blame or not did not substantially change the likelihood of being forgiven.
Overall, the research suggests that perceived threat to the relationship and the dynamics of forgiveness are central to understanding how couples respond to both sexual and emotional breaches of trust. While men and women tend to evaluate the types of infidelity differently, the psychological mechanisms that determine whether forgiveness occurs—and whether a breakup follows—are strikingly similar.
About this research
Source: NTNU
Media contact: Trond Viggo Grøntvedt – NTNU
Image source: The image is in the public domain.
Original research: “Breakup Likelihood Following Hypothetical Sexual or Emotional Infidelity: Perceived Threat, Blame, and Forgiveness” by Trond Viggo Grøntvedt, Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, and Mons Bendixen. Journal of Relationships Research.
Abstract
Breakup Likelihood Following Hypothetical Sexual or Emotional Infidelity: Perceived Threat, Blame, and Forgiveness
Infidelity represents a major threat to relationships and often leads to breakup. This study surveyed 92 couples using questionnaires based on hypothetical scenarios of sexual and emotional infidelity. Structural equation modeling with couple-level data indicated that perceived threat to the relationship was the primary predictor of breakup likelihood for both men and women. For both types of imagined infidelity, this effect was partly mediated by forgiveness. In emotional infidelity scenarios, the level of blame assigned to the unfaithful partner was associated with forgiveness and breakup; the impact of blame on breakup was fully mediated by how much distance the offended partner kept. The mechanisms at work were largely similar for women and men.